God never fails to provide me an opportunity to learn, even in the mundane.
Today, like any other day, my kids and I got home and the first thing they want is something to drink immediately followed by snack. My youngest will ask for a brownie every single time (literally every time, y’all), and every time I tell her the same thing.
“Not a brownie until after supper, Gracie; what else do you want?”
She knows  that brownie is waiting for her behind those big sliding barn doors in our kitchen; she also knows she is not getting it right then, but she has to try it anyway.
Do you every find yourself repetitively  asking God for the same things over and over? Mayyybbee not the same things, but You know, the ‘something’s gotta give’ type things, the ‘aren’t you God, don’t you know I need this’ kind of things.
I’ve given Jesus a lot of tears, y’all. Tears shed for much the same purpose or principle.
over. and. over.
You see, I know God. I know that He is true to His promises; and I know that His promises are reserved for those who earnestly seek Him.
This means I know that my brownie is back there somewhere. Somewhere, behind this door or that one, awaits my deliverance, my promise from God as one of His children and even though I know I will not have it until it is the right time, until God is ready to give it to me, I’m going to ask anyway. Like that little blonde beauty seeking what appeals her senses, I too, am seeking what I believe will fill my soul.
and here I am rolling my eyes at my daughter; It’s  like an ‘I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I’ type things. I just had to smile to myself today when she said “but mamaaaaa, when” because God whispered me a spiritual nah-nah-na-boo-boo in my ear.
Let me pause to tell you this spiritual stirring occurred Tuesday of this week… I knew then that there was more so I jotted what’s above down and I’ve been just waiting for the rest.
Not exactly where I thought He was taking it but nonetheless here it is:
what I believe will fill me.
Raise your hand if you already know what’s wrong! (Eye roll here)
This morning my husband and I were laying in bed discussing (him listening to me discuss with me) an ongoing situation that has been just building building building problem- you know- those things that won’t go away. He smiles and tells me it’s going to be okay, and I leave the house thinking HA! Dang right it is. Because we’re gonna… And Facebook tells me I’ve got some memories today.
Oooohhh do I.

March 1st of last year, Jesus was revealing to me that I didn’t have to be anybody but His. The rest didn’t matter. The past didn’t matter. What people thought didn’t matter. He had a promise for me and it is good. Just follow me.
In this passage, God has changed Jacobs name from he grabs his heel to Israel, and honorable name and man of God.
Jesus had changed my name too.
Fast forward to March this year, a year later, and He has shown me something entirely different on these very same pages. Look up to the top left corner to the text that is half cut out.
“The safest place is God’s will”
In the story of Rachel and Leah, when Rachel finally got what she had been asking for, she found nothing but sorrow.
She and her sister Leah were in a constant competition- so much that Rachel named her last son Ben-On meaning son of trouble.
Do you ever feel like you are in a constant battle with something? With someone?
Do you pray over and over for something particular and just silence?
You are fighting… against God and with Satan.
No matter the circumstance, the safest place to be is still in the center of Gods will. If it’s not His character, it’s also not His plan.
In this story, these sisters were offering their servants to Jacob in a contest to who could have the most babies. They were trying to beat God to the blessings and Jacob, well he just did what he was told.
Poor Jacob, even though that was a custom for that time does not make it right. Even if some things are socially acceptable in our time… doesn’t mean it’s right.
Then those girls. They just couldn’t wait. Trusting God when nothing seems to be happening is so hard isn’t it? Not as difficult as some of the consequences we create for ourselves trying to rush it all.
God has a plan. And God is God. Our disobedience will never derail His plan for our lives, but it can greatly affect how we end up experiencing it.
When you just feel like you need something right now, you can’t wait- that’s Satan. Would God rush it?
When you know you can tell that person just how you feel because they sure didn’t mind telling you- that’s Satan. Would Jesus be ugly?
When someone else has made you feel less than, made you feel hurt, made you feel well just flat out mad- and you just need to tell them how wrong they are.. you know, pick up and throw some stones of your own- that’s Satan. Would Jesus bring up all of our wrongs to hurt our feelings?
When you feel.
What I felt.
Y’all, your feelings will never give you full and accurate information. There’s always more to the story than how it made you feel.
It’s Satan. Anything not of the character of God is a characteristic of Satan. period.
And anything you feel outside of what scripture says is acceptable.. that’s Satan too.
I’ll say it again- anything that is outside of Gods character is also outside his plan…
What’s that mean? For me it meant girl just Hush and wait.
Patience is the hardest to have when you need it the most.
Always, always resist the temptation to think that God has forgotten about you.
“The lord is on my side; I will not fear for what can man do to me?” Psalm 118:6
“Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by test you may discern what is the will of God: what is true, honorable, and right” Romans 12:2
“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you” Exodus 14:13
“You are my portion, Lord; I have promised to obey your words.” Psalms 119:57
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful” Hebrews 10:23
We are not here to point fingers, we are not here to point fingers back. We weren’t placed here to be wonderful wives or bad ones; good mothers or bad ones, to be successful or not, to have nice homes or not, or perfect jobs or not.
We were created for two things- to ask God for forgiveness and spend the rest of our lives listening to Him.
It’s the little things- the things we think we can do on our own strength- that get us down- not the big things we know only God can do.
He’s in control of the brownie y’all- not us.
Be still in your feelings, be confident in your prayers. Despair will cast you down, keeping you from standing. Fear will tell you to retreat, and impatience will tell you to do something now.
We don’t have to be anything but His, and He grows the rest. In his time you are the good wife. In his time you are the good mother. In his time you have the perfect job. In His time you have your cozy home. I know this because God makes no mistake and if we wait for His time and His plan it’s the absolute perfect plan because he’s given us the perfect Son delivering to us a flawless promise.
Be two things- sorry and saved- then let God be God because well it’s right there.
“Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises so that through them you may participate in the divine nature having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires” 2 Peter 1:4
He has given us a promise so that we can act right and escape this awful place causing us to feel awful things.
Father,
We know you have planned all things, the best possible things for us, God. Let us know that you are with us, even on the days that it feels like you’re not. We are not forgotten and we are heard. Give us the strength God to wait on your time in a way that represents your nature, Father, and the patience to fight our feelings and that need of a surface response to protect them and instead produce an internal sense of security from the promise you’ve given that says it’s already taken care of. Let us let you be You God.
Amen